hayleyalysewest<3

Dear,My Forever and A Day
I felt like writing you something to make you smile even if it's just for the moment.
All I do is think of you. Wonder where you are and what you're doing. Wishing that I would be there with you.
It's crazy how you can love someone soo much already without even meeting them. You're perfect. You're everything I could ever want or need. You're beautiful. You're So diferent than anyone i've ever met. You're one of a kind. Somehow you bring out my better half. You make me feel amazing. I cant wait until I'm able to hold you and kiss you and never let you go. Everytime you talk to me my chest feels heavy and I get these amazing butterflies im my tummy. I need you to complete me. I never want to loose you, i never want to have to say goodbye to you. You're my forever and a day.<33

So I suddenly got a craving for Hawaiian Punch. I can literally smell it.
I want to do up my blog and use it better. I've come to realize I love writing it helps free me. I want to be heard.

My blog will not let me fix it however I can't put a picture on top i cant move my followers nothing :[

Oh jeez, So I was up all last night looking up stuff. I found an Alice in Wonderland site, with a ton of cute jewelry. I went through 255 pages. I felt like a kid in a toy store. hahaha.

Look how precious<3>

Ugh! I want them all.

Most are pretty cheap too. I put a few on my Christmas list hahaha.

on another note, last night I also had a blast with a certain architecture blog. It's amazing the houses some people live in. I'm dying for one. Big trees, a rainforest set theme. You'll get the idea once I post these:]

I can't wait to have my own place. It won't be as amazing as these but I can bootleg it :}

matthew chambers<3

I wish that I could reach out and hold your heart

keep it close to mine, and promise we'll never part

be the one who catches you and makes your dreams reality

be the only one you've ever wanted, your heart your soul your sanctity

Be that one person, the one you let your gaurd down to

The one boy in this world to hold you in my arms

I want to be your hero, your night in shining armour

your perfect prince charming if that's what you need

I want to take you away from everything, from all this

from the hurt and the dark, the corrupt and pain

I want to walk into the night with you and be bathed by the moon

look into your big beautiful eyes and tell you than I love you

I want to feel your hand in mine, the touch of your lips on my skin

you're pure and perfect, a lullabye wrapped in a warm heart

I see an open soul, a furture, a partner, wife and mother

sometimes I feel like I want to rip open my chest

and show you my beating heart, just so you could see the way

in which every beat, every thud udders your name as your all I love for

I want to show you this world, this life, I want you so be able to see all this beauty

lift you up high, so high nothing can ever hurt you again, never let you fall

the only falling we will ever do is in love and into one another arms as we hit the bed

you are so perfect to me, Kristina sometimes? No with me it's Kristina all-the-time

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, don't talk to you, about you

You're in my heart, my mind and one day soon my life and my arms forever.

It hurts to wait but absence makes the heart grow fonder

and everyday that I spend not in your arms, I grow to love and appriciate you even more.

i never stop thinking about you.
i never will stop thinking about you.
i don't ever want to stop thinking about you.
you amaze me.
and i miss you so much.
i wish there was something i can do to make you believe me.
you are everything to me.


"Your reign is over,
Why couldn't you prove me wrong?"


iloveyou,
beccajane, my escape.


i wanna show you that i'd do anything for you.
love sucks. but i still love you.
working for you is hard.
but hopefully it will all pay off in the end.

"Cause jersey just got colder and
I'll have you know i'm scared to death
That everything that you had said to me was just
A lie until you left
Now i'm hoping just a little bit stronger
Hold me up just a little bit longer
I'll be fine, i swear
I'm just gone beyond repair."


iloveyou,
beccajane, my escape.


you cry over all of these people.
but i cry over you
you are heartbroken.
but you broke me.
i've done all i can for you
to you it was all a joke.
my big heart was open to you
you blow it off.
I want you.
I like you.
You amaze me.
I don't wanna do this.
No separation.
I'm not ready.
I haven't had enough of you.
I wanna be with you in so many ways.
I can't do this.
I cry every night for you,
hoping you'd maybe understand one day,
that i have problems.
i know it.
everyone knows it.
but theres more to me.
i want you to see it.
i'm not just a pathetic piece of shit
who "only cares about sex, drugs, cigarettes and alcohol"
thats not me at all. thats what you see.
you've never tried to get deeper.
will you ever?
sex and drugs? honestly.
thats not my life.
it never will be.
it's a fun time.
but there are things that are way more important.
you're almost 19 i'm almost 16.
3 years. give me a break.
i'm supposed to fuck up.
i'm 15 dammit. but i'm trying for you.
i wanna be fucking perfect for you.
i don't know what else to say to you.
i just miss you so damn much.
i'm not content without you.
it's hard enough that i can't see you
whenever i want to.
i wanna open up to you.
give you my everything.
i want this. whether you do or not.


iloveyou,
beccajane, my escape.

I fucking cried for you. I cried for YOU. 2 fucking years and I cried for you!

Why do you still some how get in!
Still get to me.

I'm still crying for you!

I swear you have me cursed. I need to burn your shit to set myself free. I can't hold on to old memories.

I don’t see good in anyone anymore. There is not one person I can count on. That I know is real. We all hold dark secrets, bad flaws, I know noones perfect, but I’d like for them to be. People need to learn to grow up to see that childish ways are overrated. Gossip, Lies, Just plain being fake. What’s the point? The world could be an amazing gift without hate, and war, and bullshit. You ever see those creepy towns in the movies? Where everyone knows everyone and they’re happy all the time. I want that. I want a world where everything is right. Call me a dreamer. Tell me I’m being ridiculous. I don’t care. People are disgusting. Heartless animals. Savages. Fucking scum. I trust noone, I see noone, I need noone. You’re gunna have to fucking prove yourself to me if you want in. Cus I’m damn sure your true colors are an ugly brown. I’m sure you have no heart for me, and I’m sure you’d give anything to stab me in the back to save yourself. I need fuck that.. I’d like to have a true friend who would give up everything for me in a heartbeat, or a boyfriend who would sell himself out to keep me around, but it’ll never happen. Even with my huge heart and all I give, I’ll get shit in return. Honestly, if I was dead broke and on the street who would take me in? If I lost my voice who would talk to for me? If I couldn’t do things on my own who would live for me? None of you. It’s hassle on your busy fucking lives. I’m tired of empty promises, of spoken lies, of fake smiles, and useless words, fucking sorries. I’m tired of all of you. I need to work on myself. I don’t ever want to depend on any of you cus I’ll definently be screwed. My outlook on the world is an ugly one. Nothing is the way it should be. We’ve all wrecked it’s beauty, it’s meaning. We live here. It’s giving us fucking life! And we’re destroying it and destroying each other. We have no respect for anything. No thank you. Just selfishness. Fucking selfishness. We’re all sinners in the worst ways. Greedy fucking bastards. We’re all gunna rot in fucking hell. I’ll see you there.

"I am the end of the world.
When the time is right you will know my fucking name.
Lie in the gutter and pray to the god of I don't give a fuck.
This isn't an anthem, this is a lullaby. So go to sleep and wish that you'd never wake up.
They all deserved to die.
I pushed the button, I watched the sky rain death.
Consider this global abortion.
I now know what your future holds.
I am all knowing and almighty.
You will honor and revere.
True survival is pouring salt in the wound.
I hold your pathetic lives in my hands.
If you won't die for me, you will die because of me.
I pulled the trigger on the entire human race.
This is as big as murder-suicide gets.
I am the end of the world. My dick now lies in your rotting mouth.
Nothing to do now but watch the world die."